I’ve been in an awkward situation whereby a girl who I thought was our best friend, actually wasn’t. We were friends for the longest time, throughout the whole of high school till we were 27. But little did I know, it wasn’t the same for her.
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We found out that this said best friend of ours had created an inactive Facebook account. At that time, it was the boom of the social media age. Everybody had a Facebook account, everyone was on it.
So she added us, me, my bestie and the other friend too. Then with God’s guiding hand, we bumped into her real account online.
Guess how we knew that the one we had her on was inactive ?
Because on the account that we were on, her account only had us and a few other friends who were just her acquaintances. She was not posting a regular feed on it either.
And on the real one, we could see that all of her friends, who were also the friends we went to high school with, was on there.
Including all our guy friends especially the guy that had a huge crush on me whom confessed that the only reason he wanted to be friends with her was because he wanted to get to know me.
Anyway, everyone was on her real Facebook account, but us. Her so called Besties.
She had created an inactive account, just so that it would separate us from everyone else.
We called her out for the bogus account. She couldn’t give us a logical explanation anyway but we figured it out why on our own.
There were too many incidences that led to the unraveling of the true her. Too many that she couldn’t hide or lie any longer.
It was inevitable that this would be the end of us. We just don’t do certain things to our friends and she broke certain laws there was on friendship.
We had a falling out in the group after other witnesses spoke regarding the things she said and did.
After a couple of years of not really communicating, she contacted us back again to invite us to her wedding.
She said, “Hey girls, I’m getting married in two weeks and I want my besties to be there.”
We were horrified that she still thought of us as besties. After all those years not speaking to us anymore. The great betrayal and all.
To break it down, you don’t hang out with us anymore since you lied to us and outcasted us from your life and then two weeks before your wedding (after not speaking to us for years) , you call up your disconnected friends, make us feel guilty for not being able to attend your wedding at the last minute of knowing it and then had the cheek to call us your best friends.
The audacity, right.
So two members of the once strong fantastic four, separated and went our different ways. No hard feelings, we just didn’t want anymore lies and drama.
Only two remained from the four.
Me and my forever bestie.
So how do you know if someone is a best friend, a good friend or someone who’s just trying to sneak around you just for the benefits?
Here’s some pointers, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
How to know if someone is
A best friend:
They have gone through a lot of personal thick and thin with you. And despite your flaws and insecurities, they still keep you close. They love and trust you no matter what.
They know your deepest darkest secrets and share insights to groom you to become a better person by calling out your mistakes.
They can even decipher your true emotions while you’re in a state of despair and confusion.
They’re the ones that come to help out when you’re hosting an event, help clean up after your guests and they’re the ones you run to when you’re down, need to have a non judgmental rant or seek for advice for the most important life decisions.
They’re also there when shit hits the fan and they’re also there to celebrate you for all your achievements and talents.
They defend you when you’re right and advise you when you’re wrong. They shut down rumors anyone creates about you and speaks well about you to others. They love you unconditionally and are your other family.
You enjoy each other’s company when hanging out, sharing randomly similar memories and bursting out in laughter every so often. You meet up once in awhile or quite often to just catch up and have a meal or to support each other at special events.
You don’t meet up but occasionally bump into each other at social events or randomly on the street. They could be a third friend connection via someone you actually know or someone who is of service to you in some way (your mechanic, shop owner, restaurant owner eg.) or are in the same network/community as you.
A Hi Bye :
When you see them on the streets and nod from a far/ wave as a form of acknowledgement and don’t reach out any further to form any kind of connection. Only forwards an invite to you for occasions/ business endeavors that they need your support in. No real connection is formed but you may speak occasionally on a hi-bye status.
A Loose Gambit :
When they only contact you for reasons like pleasure, or getting ahead in life.
They seek niche information that you may only have and they are parasitical when they know they are able to get lots of perks/discounts/special treatments from being with you, socializing with you or being in your network.
They have no true intention to build any kind of rapport or relation, this can be decoded from what type of conversations they have with you which is mostly on text.
You can also gauge by the moments that you share if any, by the efforts that they make to get what they want from you. This relation is only looking to seek you for an advantage or benefit of some kind.
Now you might have a slightly different or very peculiar arrangement with your friends.
Some best friends meet only once or twice a year but when you do meet up again, you just pick up from where you left off last and it’s like you’ve never left. The feeling of love and care will always remain because it’s unconditional.
Some friends see you as a wisdom tree, a guiding light of knowlegde and experience and though they don’t make any true deep connection with you on a day to day, they respect you profoundly to seek important advice and insight when they know that nobody else in their life has this capability.
They’re not loose gambits, they’re friends who seek you for your Jedi powers of wisdom and knowlegde and they honor you for that.
We love our friends, be it close or not. We want the best for them always and are happy for their trophies in life.
Though some friend types you got to be careful with as you don’t know what level of friendship you belong in their point of view. You always need to keep one eye on the deal and recognize the game. Once you understand where you stand in this life chess piece of theirs and where they are in yours, you can move away from poisonous and non contributing friend types and gain better connections with other people.
From my own personal experience, you really never know who’s who until the day your eyes open to the obvious.
Choose your friends wisely that’s all I can say.
Hope this helps.
“Live a life you truly love.”