How to Live with Yourself: Dealing with Regret and Self Love

The best person you could be for someone is being the best version of yourself for You first. It’s Me, Myself and I from the moment you were born to the second you breathe your last breath. Your favorite person to spend time with should be You and must be You cos you’re stuck with yourself. So why not love being with yourself. That best friend you’re looking for that will never let you down? Well, if you’re looking in the mirror, that’s You buddy. How can you sabotage your own existence? It is with your existence that certain things would make sense. You need to be lovers with the highest version of yourself because that’s who you truly are.

image: Giulia Bertelli

You know the basics of the right and wrongs of life. You learned about morals and integrity. About family and friendship. About humility and gratitude. You know that negative thoughts are poison and that positivity and kindness will go a long way. Sure you’re not perfect and nobody really is anyway, even Richard Simmons.


See? You have all the basic information of a standard human being. Add in personality, history and character and you’ve got this unique batch of You. So how do you live with yourself for the next 100 years or so?

1. Forgive Yourself

The number one step to accepting yourself, is to Forgive yourself first. Without forgiving yourself from making mistakes you’ve done in the past, it’s hard to fully move on. So sincerely forgive yourself. It may sound like a daunting task to do especially if you have all this hate inside you.

But this hatred and pain that you choose to keep in your memory, might’ve missed you a chance somewhere. You might’ve lost something or someone in the process of your mistakes but for a fact, the Universe works in mysterious ways that once you’ve learned this lesson, you’re off the hook.

And when I say “off the hook”, it means that this mistake or lesson won’t be repeating itself again. Cos you got smarter and faster and better at the next one. You now have enough pain and knowledge to know the value of what you went through.

So take the gems from the mistakes you’ve made and proceed with caution next time. Take it easy on yourself okay. Everyone has made a mistake before and maybe even bigger more embarrassing ones compared to you, even public ones. Just google on celebs and newscaster fails and you’ll know. Well, they’re human too, just like you. You can run but you can’t hide from yourself. So forgive and let go.

2. Love Being You

image: Jorge Salvador

You know it may sound so easy but most of us don’t really know how to “Love Ourselves”. We always put others before us and allow ourselves to be forgotten and unmanaged. We give and give and drain every ounce of good energy left of us and then blame the World or the situation for it. For us feeling shitty or down and unsatisfied or miserable. Let’s appreciate You, your birth and your very existence.

There is lots of you to give but remember to give to yourself first. Do remember to stir away from being narcissistic or selfish. You don’t want to cross that borderline. Opposites of Love always turn out bad. So we’re talking about the Love that you owe to yourself. Look in the mirror and love every part of your face, your body. Be grateful for your life, the way you look or the country you’re born in. Be thankful for having food to eat today and still being able to see the sky.

Pay attention to the breaths you take. You’ll be amazed on how fascinating it is when you pay attention to your own breathing. You love yourself by working on your dreams and not depending on others on the outcome of your life story. You are a beast and a beauty, depending on the mode you turn on to switch up the mood. You do not rely on others to make you happy, instead you are responsible for your own life turn out and happiness. And when you understand this, doors of opportunity, of love and happiness will start opening up.

3. Allow Silliness in Your Life

image: Anna Auza

Being silly is innocence re-lived as an adult. It’s okay to be silly once in a while. Be funny and spontaneous.You don’t need everything to make sense. You are allowed to laugh at yourself and make people smile. Of course don’t act up and lose all common sense of things. Just be silly enough to relax and be “innocent” for a moment. Take it easy, smile and laugh.

4. Have lots of Fun

Find out what you love doing when you’re alone. Maybe you love collecting or exploring. Whatever it is that you enjoy doing, do that and keep happy when you need to relax or just rejuvenate. I personally love shopping alone. I love getting my hair done alone and also going to a spa alone. I love relaxing by myself and frankly enjoy any alone time given to me. I love watching movies at home alone too. I rarely make plans to always meet up with people because I value my alone time. Always. Give me a good book, a comfy chair, a sugared donut and a hot Earl Grey tea on the side and my life is complete. Aahh…

image: Moheb Anwari

5. Be Aware of Your Thoughts

Self talk. It can be one of the most dangerous weapons known to Man. The mind is a tricky but worthy adversary to try and conquer. It can motivate you or push you to the edge of suicide. So pay attention to your thoughts. Don’t let it eat you up from the inside. This is the only thing that you should fear cos your thoughts can be the thing that stops you or that excels you. Expand your mind into understanding concepts and other fresh ideas. Don’t dwell in darkness and doubt. Only fear lives there and it won’t be your best friend, I can assure you. Beware of Ego too. Also in the form of thoughts. Observe it from a distance and recognise its flaws and call it out. Ego hates it when you’ve discovered it’s evil plots and sinister plans to ruin you. So practice Mindfulness and get into pinching yourself out of it whenever you hear negative self-talk at the back of your head.

6.Don’t Dwell in the Past

Regret comes from dwelling in the past and thinking that you could’ve, should’ve, would’ve done a gazillion other things right. Well, you’re not alone in this Universe. We all have made major bad moves before. It could’ve been a break up, an affair that you didn’t want to happen in the first place, wrong choice of school or major and even not saying goodbye to someone you cared cos you were mad.


We always wished we could take back some words we said or at least be given the chance to explain. We constantly blame ourselves for making a bad decision and allowing it to happen.

Dwelling will not change your circumstance and position in life right now. It was a bad move so find a solution. Deal with it. Like any other failures we might’ve faced before, whether it was a failure in marriage, in finance, in business or friendships, we always get back up and either try again to make it right or do something better. So in the case of dwelling, we have no choice but to make it better for our own selves. For the sake of our conscience and self improvement. The You yesterday isn’t the You today cos the You today, is better. So get rid of all that guilt, regret, bad auras and energies out of your system. It was not meant to be because your fate lies somewhere else, trust the workings of the Universe.

7. Take Good Care of Your Health

No one’s going to be trapped in that body except you. So be a good host and take very good care of it. Eat well and right. Maintain a balanced diet and keep that body moving. You don’t have to look like Kendell Jenner to maintain a healthy body. Your weight should be akin to your healthy BMI (by the way, there’s a new way of calculating this, that’s what I heard) or at least close to it. Go for check ups ( reminder to self ~ haven’t gone in 10yrs).

Don’t unnecessarily injure your body and damage it to no repair. You’re returning this back to the Creator, remember? And you want to go out naturally as far as possible. Not death by sugar and oil.

8. Cry it Out

All that pent up sadness or anger is just waiting to explode. You know some people actually set aside time to cry it out and vent. And Yes, men are allowed and have the right to cry too, ya know. As long as you’re a living breathing being, you can. Some couples do that too as a therapy session they do together, just so that they can cope with stress that’s building up.

You don’t have to sit alone and wait to cry. You can watch a sad movie or documentary. Maybe talk to a trusted friend to confess your deepest fears and emotions or that secret regret. Lift that weight off your chest and have a cry fest. It’ll puncture that stress bubble right away. Hug yourself or hug it out with a friend or partner to calm the waves back down. Or even better, eat some good old tub of ice cream.


May these pointers, lighten your load one way or another. Nothing you can do about the past anymore so let’s focus on the service towards the future.

Take care of yourself and may you have a beautiful and fulfilling life 🙂 There’s always a new chapter waiting to start.

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